Where Has All the Kindness Gone?

 

There was a time, not long ago, when holding the door open for someone was a reflex, not a performance. When people greeted strangers in the lift, let others into traffic, or gave up their seat for someone who looked like they’d had a day. But lately, there’s been a noticeable shift in society’s moral compass. Kindness is no longer the currency it once was. Instead, we seem to be transacting in something colder: self-interest, entitlement, and the slow creep of narcissism.

We don’t need a scientific study to confirm what we see and feel daily, at the shops, on the roads, on social media, and even in schools and workplaces. It's as if kindness has become optional. A “nice-to-have” in a world that's increasingly in a hurry, angry, distracted, or just… indifferent.

Everyday Examples: A Slow Fade

• In traffic, someone cuts you off, then gives you the finger.
• In a queue, someone talks loudly on their phone, ignoring the elderly person struggling behind them.
• On social media, a post about someone’s personal tragedy is hijacked by opinions, trolling, or passive-aggressive comments about “attention seeking.”
• At work, it’s less about collaboration and more about climbing, often over others to get to the top.
• At schools, parents shout at teachers, children mimic their rudeness, and “please” and “thank you” are becoming rarities rather than norms.

What happened?

A Culture of Me, Myself and I

There’s no single culprit, but there’s a pattern. We are living in the age of hyper-individualism. Social media rewards self-promotion. Consumer culture thrives on entitlement. Hustle culture glorifies burnout as a badge of honour. We’ve been sold the idea that “you do you” means “only care about you.” And over time, this constant self-focus crowds out room for empathy.

Add to this an overwhelmed society, juggling economic stress, fear-driven politics, mental health struggles, and a relentless digital world, and you get a population on edge, with little energy left for small acts of grace. In short, we’ve become too tired, too anxious, too self-involved to notice when someone else needs a hand.

And narcissism? It’s not just a buzzword, it’s increasingly visible. From influencers filming themselves giving charity (spoiler: that’s not kindness, that’s PR), to the rise of "main character syndrome," where everyone else is just an extra in your personal movie. Kindness, which asks us to look outward, simply doesn’t trend.

How Did We Get Here?

• Technology created distance. We’re more connected than ever, but know less about our neighbours than our favourite podcast hosts.
• Social media gamified attention. Validation now comes in likes, not long conversations.
• Cynicism grew. In a world of scams and clickbait, kindness can feel naive.
• Stress escalated. Financial pressure, political instability, and the pace of modern life have left us in survival mode. Kindness often takes a back seat when you’re just trying to get through the day.

But does it have to stay this way?

Reclaiming Kindness: It Starts Small

Kindness doesn’t require a campaign. It’s not a month on a calendar or a corporate initiative. It’s in the small moments. And here’s how we can shift the needle:

• Look up. From your phone. From your to-do list. See people again.
• Do one unexpected kind thing a day. Let someone into traffic. Compliment a cashier. Send a thoughtful message.
• Teach your kids. Model empathy. Reward effort and gentleness over performance.
• Speak kindly, especially when you disagree. Civility isn’t weakness; it’s maturity.
• Assume people are doing their best. Even when they’re not. Grace begets grace.
• Reflect before reacting. That rude waiter? Maybe they’ve just had the worst day of their life.
• Celebrate kindness publicly. Not for the attention, but to remind people it still exists.

The Kindness Ripple Effect

Here’s the truth: kindness is contagious. One thoughtful act can shift a person's day, and that person may go on to treat others better too. It sounds idealistic, but it’s real. The smallest shift in how we engage, whether online or in person, can shape the culture around us.

Final Thought

Kindness isn’t outdated. It’s just under-practised. And in a world where being unkind has become easy, the real rebellion is being soft. Empathetic. Decent.

So, ask yourself: when was the last time you chose kindness when you didn’t have to? What would your corner of the world look like if you made it your mission to be a little gentler, a little more gracious, a little more… human?

Maybe the question isn’t where has all the kindness gone, but when are we going to bring it back?